How To Breakthrough Jealousy In Your Marriage

Are there ever times when you compare your relationship to others - or are jealous of what other's have in their marriage?

I understand the feeling. So, what do you do about it? Read more...

4 Secrets to Get Your Husband To Open Up

“My husband doesn’t like to talk. He is very closed off and I don’t really know how to get him to open up.”

I hear this so often from both men and women.  There is usually one partner who is more verbal and likes to talk a lot and one partner who is more intrinsic and tends to deal with things internally.  Learn how to deal with it here...

Improve Your Marriage without Changing A Thing

You realize that your partner has many quirks and problems that they need to change for your relationship to grow.  So, all you need to do now is WAIT…

Or, you could start making some changes yourself and consequently your marriage will improve.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking… “Valerie, why do I have to be the one to change!?”

My answer - You don’t.  Read more...

2 Powerful Words for A Happy Marriage

These two words are so simple, but are often left out of conversation in our marriages. I challenge you to add more of this to your marriage and see what happens!  Read more...

How I Changed My Husband...And You Can Too!

Ugh, my annoying husband. 

We all have that one thing (or a dozen things) that our spouse does that just drives us crazy.  Back in the day, this habit may not have annoyed us so much – we may have actually adored it…but now…

Arghh…

See, my husband is a “tiny bit” of a worrier.  He’s always one step ahead and always trying to prevent disaster.  In an attempt to control the future – he will often ask other people to do the obvious…

For example, when my mother or his sister watch our children he will tell them, “make sure they don’t run in the street” or “make sure they don’t put anything in their mouth.”  He may even tell them, “Don’t put that chair too close to the deck or one of the kids may jump off.”

Just yesterday he told me to make sure to watch my daughter when I took her out for a bike ride.  DUH!

These may seem like harmless statements, but when I hear him say things like this, I immediately think, “He must not trust me (or my mom or his sister) to do the right thing”

He must have forgotten that our home has a 278 day streak of no serious injuries.

It was driving me nutz…so I decided I was going to fix him.  Here’s what I did:

ATTEMPT #1:  In my best therapist voice, I explained to him that worrying about the future, especially imagining bad things happening, is not good for his own happiness and will give him anxiety.  Plus, you don’t want to put those bad thoughts into the universe!

He agreed and has started to change some of his thoughts to more positive thinking…BUT…he would still voice his concerns and double check that nothing bad was going to happen. 

So I thought, hey if he’s not going to do what is best for himself – maybe he’ll do what’s best for others…

ATTEMPT #2:  I let him know that when he makes such requests, the person on the receiving end often feels untrusted and believes he must think they are stupid if he has to make such requests.

Again, he agreed and briefly stopped making such requests.  Although the thoughts were still going on in his head until they would burst out of his mouth.  Failed attempt #2.

After 2 failed attempts at changing my husband and a habit that he has had for his entire life – I changed my path. 

I realized that it wasn’t what he was saying that was annoying and aggravating – it was the meaning that I gave to his words.

He asked me to take care of our kids, which is exactly what any loving father or mother would ask.  The meaning I put to this was – he doesn’t think I take care of our kids and he must think I’m a bad mother.

This was my own insecurity.  Am I a bad mother – HELL NO!  I’m an imperfectly perfect mother and I know he believes the same.

Wow – what a weight lifted.  I removed the meaning I PUT on his statement and I just listened to his words without an assumption. 

So, why was his habit still annoying me?  Why did I want his habit to change? 

Aha – because I don’t want him to be stressed and anxious about things that he can’t control.

Why did I want this for him?  Because that’s what I want for myself.  Because this is one of my own core values – I live in peace and calm in my head, but that’s just not him. 

But it was unfair to put this expectation on him.  This is not a change that he is ready to make (believe me when it is I will warmly accept it! ) 

It makes my husband feel better when he can voice his concerns and ask for preventive actions from others.  Why would I remove this comfort from him – or get annoyed when he asks for the comfort? 

I love and appreciate my husband for who he is.  I can’t change him – I can only be aware of my own beliefs, meanings and thoughts behind my reactions. 

Now, when he asks me to do something obvious such as, “Don’t back up over the neighbors mailbox” – I can laugh it off, say ‘OK, I won’t’ and move on because I know it makes him feel better and I no longer attached a NEGATIVE MEANING to his words. 

Try it and let me know how your perspective changes!

Three Steps to Find Work-Life Balance

How could I be an amazing mother – while still keeping my own identity, nurturing my marriage, and not completely neglecting my friendships?  Oh yeah, and all this while working full-time?

I was washed over by guilt and shame. Read more...

Getting Past Betrayal

Have you ever felt lonely, distant and angry in your marriage.  You’ve thought about separation because you were so unhappy – but then you rationalize that things aren’t really that bad.

 

There’s no abuse, your spouse is a good person overall, he/she is a good parent…so why are you feeling so stuck and hopeless?

Maybe you actually push your spouse further away hoping they will give you do something bad enough that you’ll have an excuse to leave.  Or conversely, you are trying to push towards your spouse – just to have them push you away and the distance grows…you become more lonely and hurt…you feel unsafe…

Do You Have A Hard Time Trusting Others? Here's a Cure...

Do You Have A Hard Time Trusting Others?  Here's a Cure...

You have been burned in the past.  People close to you have broken your trust.  Now you find it hard to trust anyone…you find it hard to truly let people into your life for fear you will be hurt again. 

Do this powerful exercise where you’ll learn how to break down trust barriers you have been holding – and how to truly let people in. 

5 Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Relationship

5 Ways To Rebuild Trust In Your Relationship

“Love is weakest when there is more doubt than trust.  Love is strongest when we learn to trust in spite of doubt”  - Unknown

Often when the topic of trust comes up our brains go straight to infidelity.  However, trust in most marriages is broken way before an affair – it is broken through out daily interactions.

Trust is broken when we don’t meet our partner’s emotional needs.  It is broken when we come home late from work after promising to be on time.  It is broken when we choose our parent’s or friend’s interests over the interest of the relationship.    

Success Story: From Lonely to Adored

The success story of a women who went from feeling lonely and hopeless in her marriage - to feeling overwhelmed with love.

Are You Married To A Narcissist?

Are You Married To A Narcissist?

Narcissism in general terms is being self-centered, selfish or needing to feel special - and we all can do some of these things - some of the time.  Often, we can display signs of narcissism when we need to booster our confidence, hide our vulnerabilities or protect ourselves from being sad, lonely or scared.

The Secret to Emotional Intimacy

The Secret to Emotional Intimacy

Don't be a tourist in your spouse's city - start recreating emotional intimacy in your relationship with this simple conversation.

7 HABITS OF PASSIONATE COUPLES

7 HABITS OF PASSIONATE COUPLES

Small steps create big changes.  If you take these 7 small steps every day, your marriage will start to shift and transform right before your eyes.  I even give you a special gift!

I SAW A SIGN

I SAW A SIGN

The first step to reigniting your marriage is getting crystal clear on your own needs, beliefs and desires.  In this blog, I'm going to walk you through the exact steps for gaining that CLARITY. 

[VIDEO & GUIDE] A Mindset Shift That Can Save Your Marriage

[VIDEO & GUIDE] A Mindset Shift That Can Save Your Marriage

In this VLOG - I walk you through a simple shift that can literally transform your relationships and life TODAY!

Selfish vs. Selfless In Your Relationship

Selfish vs. Selfless In Your Relationship

The key here is…

You have to find the balance in your relationship between selfless and selfish.

If you are constantly selfless and letting everyone else have the armrest – you will find yourself resentful and frustrated with lots of aches!

If you are consistently selfish you will push your partner away, make them feel uncomfortable, and probably live with some hidden guilt and anxiety. 

If you can find the balance between getting your needs met and meeting the needs of your spouse – then you can create the perfect airplane seating situation…

What You Eat Affects Your Marriage? Huh?

What You Eat Affects Your Marriage? Huh?

Last week I got the opportunity to interview the amazing Kelly Dawn.  Kelly is an amazing women, who is also mindset & energy coach who helps people shift their beliefs and align their energy with their true desires. 

Together, we talked about what energy is, how energy affects your relationship and even a really cool exercise that you and your spouse can use together to learn more about each other’s energy. 

Keep reading to get all the goods...

This Powerful Secret of Amazing Couples....

This Powerful Secret of Amazing Couples....

Learn the #1 reason for divorces and unhappy marriages - and what you can do about it!

A Simpler Life by the End of the Week!

A Simpler Life by the End of the Week!

Do you want it all?  Are you tired of hearing about life-balance?  Well - I have a solution for you, just keep reading....

Re-IGNITING THE PASSION! [FREE GIFT]

Re-IGNITING THE PASSION! [FREE GIFT]

Need some quick tips for igniting the passion in your relationship tonight?  Read this and click the link for a FREE GIFT!