What To Do When You Feel Alone In Your Marriage

I’m sitting here dreaming of a vacation in Hawaii – or any other tropical place.  

It made me start thinking about my honeymoon trip to Punta Cana, DR.  I started salivating over the memories of amazing food, sights, overflowing delicious drinks, and that beach – oh that beach... 

I remember planning that trip.  Using my type-A personality to get all the details together, choosing which excursions we would go on, getting our passports in order, buying the tickets, shopping for new clothes and finding a home for our pup while we were gone.

I did it all – my husband didn’t help at all. 

I took control and took care of it.  That’s what I do – that’s how I roll. 

I liked to take control, that’s how I was so successful in my career and other parts of my life…it didn’t bother me that my husband didn’t help….

Until…

Years later when we were planning another vacation.  

I HAD to do everything…and I just wished my husband would have done something.

Why would he though?  By always taking control – I taught him that he had no control.  I taught him that I would do it all.

Essentially, I controlled so much – and didn’t trust in him enough to make the right decisions (i.e., the same decisions that I would have made).   

I quickly learned that by not letting go of some of this control - I emasculated him. 

I played the head of the household for so long, that he learned his role as a follower.  

That’s not the type of husband I wanted.  

I want a MAN.  I want someone to lead the family and take control sometimes.  I want a partner – not a follower. 

In a relationship – you need both feminine and masculine energy.   

I was using up so much of the masculine energy that there was none left for my husband.

I was teaching him that his opinions weren’t valued – and that I didn’t trust him to do the right thing.  That he couldn’t take care of me.    

I had to let go of this control.  I had to learn to receive and let him give and make decisions.

I remembered that I married a strong, smart and caring man.  I needed to show him that I trusted him and would stick by him and his decisions. 

This made a tremendous difference in our relationship and our family.  After I let go of the reigns and gave him more space – he grabbed it up.  He wanted the responsibility – he wanted to make choices.  

He wanted to take care of me and our children.  

He wanted to be the MAN. 

My friend, are you trusting in your spouse enough?  Are you letting go of enough control that they can truly show you what they are made of? 

Take back some of that feminine energy – let him get back some of that masculine energy. 

It must be balanced or you’ll be pushing one another away.

ACTION CREATES CHANGE.  I would love to hear what action you are taking to create change, comment below and I’ll make sure to reply back to personally!

Valerie Kolick, therapist and relationship expert has created this blog to help couples and individuals create happiness and joy in their marriages and lives. If this is your first time here, LEARN MORE here and don’t forget to Download Your FREE Extraordinary Relationship Workbook.

 

Valerie KolickComment