Do You Have A Hard Time Trusting Others? Here's a Cure...

You have been burned in the past.  People close to you have broken your trust.  Now you find it hard to trust anyone…you find it hard to truly let people into your life for fear you will be hurt again. 

This insecurity and fear may cause you to doubt people, be unable to accept goodness and kindness and may keep you distant from those exact people you want to be close to. 

Last week I discussed different ways that you can build trust within your relationships.  Next week, I’ll be talking about how to rebuild trust after it’s been broken. 

But this week, you’ll learn how to break down trust barriers you have been holding – and how to truly let people in.

The honest truth is that we are all perfectly imperfect.  We will each probably break a person’s trust or confidence at some point in our lives…and others will break our trust.  However, if you continuously withhold your trust from others, then you are pushing those you love away. 

You are not letting people in to your life because of a fear of being vulnerable – and you are creating space and loneliness where there is actually love and security.

Here are the main reasons some people have a hard time trusting others:

1)      You were hurt by someone you love in the past – and now you have built walls as to not be hurt again.

2)      There is a lack of self-confidence that is hindering you from being open and vulnerable, and letting others see you for who you truly are. 

In either case, if you want a truly intimate and close relationship it’s time to do some self-reflecting.  If you feel that you have a hard time trusting because you have been hurt in the past, then here is a brilliant and life-changing exercise for you.  This exercise uses the ancient Hawaiian healing technique called, "Ho'oponopono"  (NOTE: If you have serious trauma, such as emotional, physical or sexual abuse please do not do this exercise without the guidance and support of a counselor).

Exercise for Past Hurts

1.       Write down each time that someone broke your trust in your life.  Be specific.  Name the person, note how it made you feel, your reaction, what was said or done, etc. 

2.       Once you have gotten it all out, go back to each item individually and really think about how it make you feel.  Now here's the hard part - let go of it.  Once you read the individual item, now say out loud, "I'm sorry, I forgive you, I love you, Thank you".  You don't have to completely mean it - but just do it. 

3.       Now scratch that item off the list and move to the next item.  I know it sounds crazy - but it works. 

4.       Rinse and Repeat.  In other words, keep doing this exercise from the beginning and you will be amazed by how the list keeps getting smaller and how your pain starts to heal.

Once you have resolved your past hurts it will become easier for you to let others in to your life and begin to trust.  While letting others in continue to work on your self-confidence.  Here is a great article with step-by-step instructions for improving your self-confidence: https://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html. 

Remember, this is a journey – not a get fixed quick scheme!  

I would love to hear how this exercise has helped you and has opened doors like it has for many of my clients.  Comment below to let me know your story!

                                                                     Best in Love, 

Valerie KolickComment