Stop Complaining...

I don't know about you - but it got too cold too quick for me.  On Christmas it was 70 degrees here in DC area - and now its in the teens!  My heavy coats are not ready.

This brings me to today's topic.  Complaining.

I know, I know - you don't complain, you just state the truth.  Me too!

I learned something really interesting about complaining the other day...it does nothing except for put out bad energy!

The other day when I was complaining to my husband about how dang cold it was outside - he did not do anything to make it less cold!  How dare he!

However, when i decided to say, "I would love it if I was warmer" ...my lovely husband turned on the fireplace and grabbed me a sweatshirt!

Wow- 

When I changed my complaint into a want or desire - the situation changed.  It got better.  There was actually a solution. 

When you complain about things, it is a statement and there is no solution - just bad will and a feeling of want.

On the other hand, when you change your complaints around and make them into needs or desires, you will get your desires met and feel better.  

This is true throughout life - but especially true in a marriage. 

If you want action and results, then stop complaining about (to) your spouse and start deciding what the underlying desire it. 

When you say something like, "I'm always the one stuck with the dishes" to your husband - it will immediately be met with defensiveness and probably make your spouse feel inadequate.  AND, I'm willing to bet, you will still end up doing the dishes.  

But when you understand the underlying desire (i.e., to have clean dishes, or to sit down and relax) you can change your complaint into a statement of need/want/desire - such as, "Wow, it would be so great if these dishes could just wash themselves so I could sit down".  

You're husband eventually will want to make you happy and may even do the dishes. 

CAUTION:  Don't make this about manipulation and don't be passive aggressive.  Make the statement of desire without any expectations.  If your husband does the dishes and you get to sit down - awesome.  If not, it's still better because complaints weigh you and others around you down. 

So, this week, I challenge you to STOP COMPLAINING AND START DESIRING (is that word?  If not, it is now!)

Let me know how it goes in the comments below!