This Powerful Secret of Amazing Couples....

I ran into an old friend from high school last week.  

I haven’t seen her in about 5 years and when I saw her it was just like it was high school again.  We were making jokes, laughing, talking about each other’s parents, catching up on our families – we had a blast. 

When I got home and was telling my husband about the coincidental meeting, he asked me why I stopped hanging out with her.

It took me a minute – but then I remembered…

She was SOOO Negative!

Even though she could be pretty funny sometimes and we would crack up together, most of her jokes were at the expense of others – or of herself.  To her, the glass was always half empty – or completely empty!

It got to the point that I would feel bad about myself, my life and my surroundings when I was around her.   This is when I started with withdraw and put more distance between the two of us.

It’s NOT FUN to be around NEGATIVITY….

This is why I make it a point to find positivity…don’t get me wrong … I’m not all glitter, sunshine and rainbows– sometimes things just suck. 

But, I watch my thoughts and what I say to make sure that I am not putting a negative spin on something that could be positive.

The reason I bring this up today is to remind you of the power of positivity in your relationships. 

Here is an infographic I grabbed from the Gottman Institute’s website that shows some amazing statistics about stable and unstable marriages. 

Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/

You’ll notice that couples who live in negativity (Four Horsemen) are often divorced in 5.6 years, whereas couples who have little positive interaction are divorced in 16.2 years

But couples who have a 5 to 1 Ratio of positive to negative interactions are more likely to be in happy and stable relationships.

Again, who wants to be around a negative person!  

So, my challenge to you this week is to start noticing negative thoughts, behaviors and words.  You may be surprised that you are not as positive as you thought.

Here’s a three step plan for beginning to change your negative thoughts into more positive thoughts…

  1. When you notice yourself having a negative thought or say something negative – ask yourself if the thought or statement is really true.
  2. Is there a different way to frame the statement so that it is more true and more positive?
  3. Once you figured out a new way to frame the thought or statement, keep repeating this new statement until you truly believe it.

Here’s a quick example for the following statement, “My husband is so freaking annoying.”

  1. Okay, not everyone thinks he’s annoying – and he’s only annoying me this time because he didn’t take out the trash.  So, he’s only annoying sometimes and other times he is fun and responsible.
  2. Instead of concentrating on my husband being annoying, I’m going to concentrate on the fact that sometimes he is also fun and responsible. 
  3. My husband is usually so fun, although he forgot to take out the trash today which bugged me a little.

You will be amazed about how much more you enjoy being with yourself and how much others enjoy being with you – when you start concentrating on the positive in life, the positive in yourself and the positive in others.

Good luck!

Oh yeah, next week I’ll be sharing some ENERGIZING tips and tricks for you!  Stay tuned….