It's almost Halloween! Do you have your costumes picked out? Are you making them, buying them? My kids tend to change their mind about 8 times before Halloween actually comes - so I am procastinating a little bit this year. As of yesterday, my 4-year old daughter wants to be the girl chipmunk, Brittany, from Alvin and the Chipmunks and my 2-year old son wants to be Shaggy, from Scooby Dooby. But last week, they wanted to be a firewoman and policeman. Fun! Fun!
On a side note, a close friend of mine has written an amazing book, called Halloween Holly. It's a children's book, that helps you to get rid of all of the Halloween candy. Check it out! www.halloweenholly.com
So, last week I brought up some parenting tips. I want you to know that I am not a parenting "expert" - but I am a parent, have read pretty much every parenting book out there, have studied child psychology and follow most of the current research.
I am part of a mom group on facebook, where moms ask questions about parenting, relationships, cooking, working, etc. Just last week, I saw a post that said, "At what age can I start spanking my child?" I was a little taken back. I couldn't believe that someone was just waiting for a certain age to start spanking her child.
I had to calm myself down for a moment and then I realized that we were all raised being spanked, smacked, soap in our mouths, or in my case a size 6 shoe on my rear (my mom is tiny!). It can be frustrating to tell your child 50 hundred times not to do something without losing your mind.
We think, "what is going to work? - how can I get my child to listen". When we have lost our patience, our cool, our calm - it just makes sense to go to spanking. But, I hope you will try something else.
Spanking our child may make them listen a little better, but it is at the risk of our relationship with our child. When a child is not listening or acting badly - they are acting out for attention. They are feeling big feelings and are not sure what to do with these feelings.
Let me ask you to step in your child's shoes. You come home from a tough day at work, your boss yelled at you, a colleague is just being crazy, you messed up a huge report and the commute home was 2 hours! When you walk through the front door the first thing you do is release some of your frustration and anger out on your spouse. All you really want from your spouse is a hug, and for them to comfort you. But instead, they turn you over and spank you for yelling at them. Although, a kind of funny picture - how does this make you feel?
We can all try to do a little better than our parents did...
and hope our kids will do a little better than we did. We aren't perfect, we lose our cool, we yell, we act out - but we have the skills to calm ourselves. Often, our little ones don't have this skill.
It is our job to recognize their feelings, and help them recognize their own feelings. Let's teach our kids to understand themselves and learn the rules by talking to them and loving them - rather than spanking them and yelling at them.
You are an awesome parent and parent!
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