Is Jealousy Good?

Are there ever times when you compare your relationship to others?

I understand the feeling.  You see your coworkers get flowers from her husband just for being her, then you walk down the street and it seems that every couple you pass is holding hands.  You just watched your neighbors husband carry out the trash, and heard her say earlier that he vacuumed the whole house.

You start to compare your relationship to the relationships around you.  You start wondering if your relationship is good enough, or maybe it is better.  You start hoping and wishing that you had more.Although we often hear that comparison and jealousy is bad for a relationship, I'm here to tell you that...

Comparing Your Relationship Can Be Good

Here's the deal...

When you start becoming jealous of what others have, it may be a sign that something is missing from your own life. 

So, why is this good?

Well, because the jealousy or comparison provides you a look at what you want and what is missing from your relationship.

I hear from so many clients that something just is off in their relationship, but they can't pinpoint it.  I ask them to tell me what they see in other relationships that they wish they had.

These are often needs that are going unmet.

So, if you are jealous that your best friends husband gives her presents for every silly holiday, like sweetest day, or St. Patty's day - then take a good look and see if this is something that you want.

Do you want your husband to bring you more gifts?  Maybe just a chocolate bar, or your fav starbucks coffee?  Maybe you just need your husband or wife to be more thoughtful.

In any case, once you can see and know what you really want in your relationship - then it is much easier to ask for. 

We often tell our partners that something has to change, or we need more - but we are not able to be specific about it.  If you were to tell your boss or colleague that they needed to change to get a better performance review, but you didn't give them solid, concrete ways of stepping up - then it is not fair.

Be open, be honest with yourself and your spouse about your needs and wants....

I would love to hear from you!

Comment below to tell me what you want more of or less of in your relationship and life!