Are there ever times when you compare your relationship to others - or are jealous of what other's have in their marriage?
I understand the feeling. You see your coworkers get flowers from her husband just for being her, then you walk down the street and it seems that every couple you pass is holding hands.
You just watched your neighbor's husband carry out the trash, and heard her say earlier that he vacuumed the whole house. They always look so 'in-love' when you see them together.
You start to compare your relationship to the relationships around you. You start wondering if your relationship is good enough, or maybe it is better. You start hoping and wishing that you had more.
Although we often hear that comparison and jealousy is bad for a relationship, I'm here to tell you that...
Comparing Your Relationship Can Be Good
Here's the deal...
When you start becoming jealous of what others have, it may be a sign that something is missing from your own life.
So, why is this good?
Well, because the jealousy or comparison provides you a look at what you want and what is missing from your relationship.
I hear from so many clients that something just is off in their relationship, but they can't pinpoint it. I ask them to tell me what they see in other relationships that they wish they had.
These are often needs that are going unmet.
So, if you are jealous that your best friend’s husband gives her presents for every silly holiday, like sweetest day, or St. Patty's day - then take a good look and see if this is something that you want.
Do you want your husband to bring you more gifts? Maybe just a chocolate bar, or your fav starbucks coffee? Maybe you just need your husband or wife to be more thoughtful.
In any case, once you can see and know what you really want in your relationship - then it is much easier to ask for.
We often tell our partners that something has to change, or we need more - but we are not able to be specific about it.
Most husbands want to make their wives happy (rather you believe it or not - it's true). They just don't know how....and they aren't mind readers.
If you are clear, open and honest with yourself and your spouse about your needs, it’s highly likely that those needs will be met.
ACTION CREATES CHANGE. I would love to hear what action you are taking to create change, comment below and I’ll make sure to reply back to personally!
Valerie Kolick, therapist and relationship expert has created this blog to help couples and individuals create happiness and joy in their marriages and lives. If this is your first time here, LEARN MORE here and don’t forget to Download Your FREE Extraordinary Relationship Workbook.