The Mistake 90% of Wives Make (And How To Avoid It!)

Have you seen Tony Robbin’s “I’m Not Your Guru” documentary on Netflix yet? 

It’s a tear-jerker and must see.  Seriously, lots of F-bombs but this man is a genius  – and you will be transformed just by watching. 

The documentary is about Tony’s 6-Day Date with Destiny retreat – in which he spends 1 full-day on relationships. 

Why a full-day on relationships? 

Because relationships are the #1 predictor of your life’s happiness.  For real – that’s what a lot of the latest and greatest research is saying…and it makes sense – but I’ll get off my soap box here and return to the story.

I was enthralled with this session in the documentary – just soaking it all in.

And then – BOOM –

I couldn’t believe what happened – it was like watching a bad scary movie.  You know the part when they are finally about to get away from the killer – and then one of them decides they left their blankie (or whatever) in the house of doom and they go back in the house to get it.

You put your hands up in the air in exasperation and just think...


Okay – now you’re with me. 

That’s how I felt.

Tony had just spent 20-minutes working with this couple.  The man was stepping into his masculine energy (just what his wife had asked for).  This man was standing up in a crowd of 2,500 people and being vulnerable and strong at the same time.  

He was transforming in front of our eyes.  It was truly great – amazing!

Then, he walks back to his wife filled with excitement and energy.

Tony then yells in his strong, deep, raspy voice to the wife, “Wow, that was awesome – what do you think about all of this – about that shift in your husband?”

You know what she said?  Ughh…I couldn’t believe it…why is she walking back into the house of doom and taking her husband with her?

She said, “I HOPE IT LASTS”

Seriously?  ...I hope it lasts ...I hope it lasts!  arghh..  

That’s what you say to your husband when he just made a huge shift, when he is full of excitement and possibilities?

Talk about taking the wind out of the sails.

The truth is, I see this all of the time.

I see spouses discount the changes that their partner is trying to make.  

I hear wives and husbands say, “if you did it this way it would’ve been better” – or “it’s too late now”.

I see husbands and wives stop trying to change – stop trying to do what’s right or best – because no matter what they do, it won’t be enough for their spouse.

Why?  Why would you want to tear your spouse down?

I know it’s not on purpose.  I’ve caught myself doing it… 

Making a joke in front of friends at my husband’s expense, or sarcastically telling him if the bed was made the right way, then he would’ve been helpful.

If you want a strong, confident, caring and loving spouse – pull them up – don’t put them down.

Let them know that they are enough.  Ask for what you need, rather than making passive aggressive remarks.  Be okay with imperfect (because we all are).

My friend, what can you do TODAY to pull your spouse up?  How can you support them and show them how much you appreciate them?

Maybe you can compliment them in front of others (like your kids, or your parents, or your friends – whoever).

Maybe you can say “Thank you” for all that you do.

Maybe you can just tell them what they mean to you.

Remember, ACTION CREATES CHANGE.  I would love to hear what action you are taking to create change, comment below and I’ll make sure to reply back to personally!

Valerie Kolick, therapist and relationship expert has created this blog to help couples and individuals create happiness and joy in their marriages and lives. If this is your first time here, LEARN MORE here and don’t forget to Download Your FREE Extraordinary Relationship Workbook.