Three Keys To A Happy Marriage (Part II: Attune)

True love is not a magical mystical thing that only some can have.  True love is for everyone.

Anyone can find true love – but more importantly everyone can master true love.

Love is an act.  You give love, receive love, accept love.

Last week – we talked about the three things you must have in order to build a strong relationship and to give and receive true love in your marriage.  TRUST, COMMUNICATION & CONNECTION. 

Last week I covered how you build empathy and how to increase empathy in your relationship.  

Today, I want to introduce you to a concept call ATTUNE (ment).


Awareness of partner’s emotions

Turning toward the emotion

Tolerance of two different view points

Understanding your partner

Non-defensive response


Attunement, or to attune, was made famous by John Gottman of the Gottman Institute.  If you’re not familiar with Gottman, he can predict whether a couple will divorce or stay together with 89% accuracy!

Attune means to truly connect to your partner.  When a couple is attuned to one another you will see it in the way they look at each other.

When you become attuned to another person, they will feel it and automatically feel cared about and loved.  

If you are attuned to each other in your relationships, things come a little easier.

The part that stinks – ATTUNING is not easy.  It’s simple – but not easy.  It takes work.  It takes you listening and understanding your partner even when you are so stressed and so tired you can barely stand up.

It takes you having an open mind and not getting defensive when your partner disagrees with you.  It takes noticing your own judgments and taking full responsibility for your own actions.


If you can ATTUNE to your partner…you will be on your way to an extraordinary relationship.

You’re here to master your marriage so start by working on the small stuff that makes a huge difference! It doesn’t have to be big and strategic to work. 

What will you do this week to ATTUNE to your partner?

Remember, ACTION CREATES CHANGE.  I would love to hear what action you are taking to create change, comment below and I’ll make sure to reply back to personally!

Valerie Kolick, therapist and relationship expert has created this blog to help couples and individuals create happiness and joy in their marriages and lives. If this is your first time here, LEARN MORE here and don’t forget to Download Your FREE Extraordinary Relationship Workbook.