I don't use the word hate very often - BUT - I hate getting lost! A couple of weeks ago I was driving home from the airport and I missed my exit. It was 11pm, I was exhausted from travelling and I took a right turn right into a pretty shady area of Washington, D.C.
Great! Now, I'm lost and in potential danger.
I quickly locked my doors, ran some red lights and kept yelling at my GPS because the rather annoying voice kept robotically saying "RECALCULATING ROUTE."
STOP RECALCULATING - JUST TELL ME WHERE TO GO!
As I clinched my steering wheel, I felt a pit in my stomach, my heart rate elevated and my thoughts started stirring…"I'm never going to make it home. I'll be lost forever!"
Oh my irrational thoughts.
Finally, I saw it. The sign I had been looking for. Yep, the big green sign that says I-495 a big fat arrow pointing to my destination!
My heart-rate went down, my hands unclenched, and my stomach found it's proper place again.
It sucks to be lost and not know how to get home.
One of the first things I ask my clients during our first session is, "If you could wave a magic wand and everything in your relationship was perfect, what would that look like?"
The reply is usually... "I want a partner in life and one who appreciates and adores me."
I dig in, "So what does that look like? How does your partner show you adoration and appreciation?"
Answer, "I don't know"
IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY - THEN YOU ARE LOST
If you don't know what you need to make your relationship fulfilling - then how will you tell your partner? AND If you don't tell you're partner how will they know what to do to make you happy?
Today, let's get clear.
These are some of the same questions I ask my clients to help them know what they really want and need in life and in their relationships.
What are my top 5-10 core values
What people or things are the most important to me?
What do I believe about myself?
What do I believe about my partner?
What are my main beliefs about life?
What are my religious beliefs?
What are my top three strengths?
What are my top three weaknesses?
What is the one thing I really want out of life? What else?
What is one thing you do that brings you joy?
What is one thing you do that you hate doing?
How do you want to feel everyday?
What makes you feel that way? What else? What else?
You may have to ask yourself these questions every couple of days or even weeks. Once you get clear, then it will be harder to get lost.
Get clear this week, because next week I'll tell you the exact steps for asking for what you need from your spouse.