The Lost Skill: Listening To Feelings
As you’re driving home from work, you are in your head replaying everything that went wrong today at work. How did you miss that e-mail from the director…why did Shelly have to throw you under the bus in front of everyone…I messed up again but if Mike would have helped me and I wasn’t so overwhelmed I would have never missed the e-mail and would’ve known to be at the executive’s meeting. You wish someone would just understand the day you went through!
You pull in the drive-way and pull yourself together for your kids. You put on your happy face and give yourself a little pep talk…luckily you make it through dinner, baths and bedtime and now you can finally tell your partner about the day you had.
As you’re finishing up the dishes and picking up the house, you start to tell your partner about your day and how much it sucked. The reply you get is, “Well, why didn’t you see the e-mail?” or, “I’m sure everyone will forget about it tomorrow.”
Arghhh, forget it. You don’t want a solution – you just want someone else to understand you and support you.
It can be incredible hard to truly listen and feel with your partner, especially when you don’t want to see their pain. You want to fix their pain.
BUT – THE FIRST ATTRIBUTE WE WANT AND NEED FROM ONE ANOTHER IS AN AMAZING LISTENER.
Madelyn Burley-Allen, Listening: The Forgotten Skill states that there are 3 levels of listening
Level 1 – Empathetic, non-judgmental, sees the other person’s point of view, not distracted, listening for thoughts and feelings.
Level 2 – Hearing words, but not actively listening, doesn’t understand the deeper meaning, logical and emotionally detached.
Level 3 – Listening on and off, thinking about other things, making judgments, giving unsolicited advice, blank stare.
We can’t always be at level 1 – but when we truly want to connect, this is where we must be. What type of listener are you? Click here to take this quick quiz to self-evaluate.
THE SECOND ATTRIBUTE IS AN ABILITY TO EXPRESS AND SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER’S FEELINGS.
It can be tough to understand our own feelings and express them when we often didn't grow up with the right tools. (I’ll talk more about this in today’s video)
Knowing your true feelings helps you to understand your true needs and communicate those. In today’s workbook & video I am going to walk you through a couple of exercises to help you get more comfortable with understanding and communicating your feelings – so don’t miss it!
Make sure to set aside some time today to work through the video and exercises – you can always make time for things that are a priority – and I’m going to bet that your relationship is a priority!
Once you’ve watched the video and completed the exercise, grab your journal and answer the following four questions.
- What is something you learned that you didn't know before?
- What is something you re-learned? (you had known - but it hit you in a different way)
- What is something that surprised you?
- What is something you are intrigued by and want to think about it more?
Don't forget if you need support or have questions, you can pop into the FB Group anytime!